In a moody Sunday afternoon, with my gastric juice still secreting actively, stomach undergoing retropulsion, grinding huge particles into chymes, with mixture of secretions, busy-ness of the pyloric sphincter closing and opening every 5 seconds... resulting from the huge portion of does-not-taste-so-good pho noodle (Vietnamese cuisine), suddenly came into mind that I could just blot out everything here since I'm bored.
Was spending time at my aunt's an enjoyable one? Well.. not really. But, I guess, it's worst to stay in the ghost-house-liked residence as everyone is away for vacation or etc.. Sometimes, you just cant be too long in another family, no matter how close are you to them, in terms of blood-related/ intimacy-related. because you just can't fit into their boat. You'll sink, or else you'll cause them all to sink. Duh, of course, with my personality, it's always " my choice" naturally but unfortunately to just "fade away" and become invisible intrinsically.
Today's experience was a horrible one, but through time, I guess I "adapt" better now. Waiting at church at the corner for my aunt to end her conversation with a cheong hei aunty. (so that we could head for lunch and then go home) Impatiently looking at the clock every one-of hundredth seconds, anxiously hiding myself at a corner, hoping no one will see my awkward condition, surrounded by many on-top-of-fashion's-bandwagon universities students, giggling and gossiping around...
5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes have passed.. that's awkward, you know? strange that no one will ever come to approach you and place their concern, that's so unlikely compared to my former church. Maybe, this is a bigger church, with everyone living in their own group of world?? T.T I felt un-belonged. It happens in MCAC too. why.
Scanning at the beautiful photos of my friends traveling around the world envies me. Why don't I have such a group of friends? Even, the JPA-scholars that came to McGill went to Toronto for vacation.. They dont' even bother to invite you.. cuz they are JPA scholars and I'm what? Ling, another Malaysian who came to McGill on decision (like me), was not part of it too. That's pathetic...
The seniors always talk about their happiest life during University times. How they did this and that with bunch of crazy friends, without any worries etc... Erm, well? I-think-this-is-the-happiest-moment-in-life. ?
I don't belong here , do i? Just leave it to God. Meantime will try to enjoy as much as I could.
Thank you that You gave me life so that I can experience all these, be grateful at all times.
Thank you, Dear Lord.
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