Lesu sekali...

Sudah lebih daripada sejuta ribu kali jam menetik, setiap detik menemai ku sepanjang malam yang sunyi sepi.. Kenapa? Kenapa ku perlu menjalani hidup sedemikian, yang tidak bertaraf normal, yang mengharamkan badan letih ku.. Sungguh menderai diriku... Patutnya Tuhan menghakimi ku yang tidak menjaga pemberian-Nya....

Bilakah semua ni akan tamat dengan tanda nota? tidak sekali hari itu akan menjelang? Perasaan risau membinggui ku...
Cukup! Ku tidak akan membuat sedemikian lagi!

Rumah... Rindu sekali buat kali pertama... Sekarang barulah ku menyedari silaturrahim yang tidak akan putus dicincang air buat selama-lamanya..

Ya, itulah harapan terbesar ku.. biarlahnya menjadi dorongan ku mulai dari detik istimewa ini.

Hmph..

I had my midterm for food fundamentals today... Initially I thought it was the easiest subject among all and "BINGO " I was wrong. Staying up late to study does not seem to work for me.. but why? I have noticed that I have selective reading... often it is that I will miss out a part or a sentence or a word, which is very important.. Realizing that I do not really study with my mind, or do I? I have no idea.. I always have this problem..." this term.. seemed familiar, what is it already.... " Am I useless? God's creations are never useless though,arent they?

Stress gradually overtakes my monotonous lifestyle.... for good or for bad? Busy till I put my health at stake, worth it? benefiting? I wonder. I take things seriously and will be hurt easily... Am I too sensitive? A friend told me, "you are not...." Finally realized that I take worldly things so close to my heart, until petty things cause harm to God's temple. Yea, I have been living in denial that I am repenting all these while... Sinners, yea, indeed I am one of them. Lord, teach me your way.. let me not to be rebellious.. ><

" Look forward" - that's what we should be doing when we faced obstacles... But hey, do not do it in a rush, stand at your spot at this moment, cogitate wisely what happened in the past that failed you, and not to repeat this mistake again. This is one of the ways of self-improving, in my opinion. Yea, it is always difficult to discipline oneself. But PRAY hard!

I hereby thanks everyone for their prayers and words of encouragement. =) Sweet~~

maple trees

Tired

I am tired. physically and mentally. Why things just could not stop at its way, why does things go and come again.. It's just will not stop.. forever... Homework!! Assignments!!!Mid terms!!! There is no place for me to hide myself from these frightful words. All I have to do is to confront them, to be in peace with them..I have no choice. Yea, talking about choices, I had a discussion on " our choices" during last week's BS.. The question sounds like " If God has predestined all things, how come we have choices? " We indeed have, God gave us choices, He knows exactly what pops up in our mind and what is the next step we are taking..Indeed He's the amazing God overall..

A grandma of a friend is counting her days.. tick... tick... tick... tickling of the clock signaling a closer call from the Lord. I still couldnot accept the fact, but that's nothing but the fact. She was once a healthy person, we were always talking and laughing. I like her alot. I still remember the days, sweet memories, her smile, cheerful and brings happiness. I cant believe that it's time.. but God, isnt it too soon?? Nah, it's God's will. May she be in peace. Pray for her relatives for their strengths and zeals.. That's all we can do.

Yea, no one can be strong at all times, except for the Lord. I seldom fall sick. But now I do. I dont like the fact that I am sick.. feeling weak...helpless.. Mom used to feed me with herb-rich soup whenever I am sick. Haha, I regret not appreciating it at that moment.

Did badly for my last midterm for biochem. Trying hard for the coming mid term..
God bless everyone. =) May everything to be done in His will.

So, what now?

Everyone asks the same question : How'r your classes? well..from academic aspects, some are fine, and I am struggling in some too.. eg management theories and practise. * what is that all about?? Each time I listen to the lecturer, my eyebrows frowned in confusion.. It's tough for me to understand everything he said, and what more to say to key into my brain..I feel hopeless.. Maybe this is the first time having this kind of subject,because all the time I was having biology,chemistry, physics and maths.. all i need is time to adapt to new things - words to comfort myself, it works huh? And I really miss my college lecturers, they are much better and entertaining..

I have 6 hours of break in between my classes. Thank God I live in the rez, really pity those who traveled from home and need to "stuck" in school for 6 boring hours...But i am wondering , " what about me? what have I been doing?Have I been trying on something meaningful and fruitful? " Unfortunately, the answer is NO and My sinful heart refuse to accept the truth.... * DING DING DING DING~!!!! it's time to change , to improve to a better me.. =) * i hope so =P

Have been experiencing alot of things alone lately, and actually it's not too bad to be alone at times, because I get to breathe, breathe fresh and silent air!!! I do appreciate time when I am alone now, where I can just do whatever I want to do and not to " act based on ppl's expression.." It is kinda challenging for me to be so tolerate with my roommate..everything must has its limits! Maybe God is testing my patience? My courage to speak up? I dont know... May God's will to be done..

So, what now? When I was in Taylors, I was really excited on fridays.. and counting down to the weekends I will be enjoying.. but now? I dont..some of my floor-mates went back to their lovely home, and it's even more quiet now.. ><

Anyways, enjoy your weekends!!! =)

A comforting day =)

Things that happened and revolved around me are far beyond my expectation. I did not imagine that there are much more sophisicated things that I have to experience when I first came here. The most obvious thing is the culturer shock that I am experiencing, I just couldnot stop saying " WOW" Especially the drinking culture, beer just seemed like water to them. Yea, it's part of their culture...and who am I to judge them? noway..
"Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All things indeed are pure, but it is evil for the man who eats with offense." Romans 14:20 To me it sounds like, nothing is bad in the eyes of God, as long as it does not stumble your pilgrim pathway..* It does not mean I can drink whenever I want to. I really appreciate that God has sent people in advising me on this matter. Thank God!!! And thankyou-you-know-who!!!
Always it is that I do not feel comfortable living in a far far away land from home, things are so different here. However, I know that this is God's will for me to stay here and I will listen to him loyally. Stay strong all of you out there who is struggling with obstacles!!! At least, I know that I am not alone, I have God around me wherever I go,guiding me, and too, my group of sisters and brothers.
I managed to talk to a sister today, and I really feel belonged. =) So happy now!!!! I just cant describe the feeling. thankyou!!!
"Comfort, yes comfort my people! '' Isaiah 40:1